Life is not problemático; we make it problemático
Yes, it has been a while since I posted a blog. In fact, let’s just say it has been a very damn long time. I have been busy adulting (working), trying to exercise, single-parenting (although I feel like at times, I suck at it — despite trying my best), and focusing on my relationship (even though I don’t believe I have been doing a good enough job in that department either). However, while I was at work today, I happen to be perusing social media - Instagram – and came across a video of Eartha Kitt (if you don’t know who she is, please go google her — look at some YouTube videos of her. She is Black royalty!). In the video, she stated the aforementioned quote, and I just stopped what I was doing. It felt like a brick just hit me on the top of my head. As cliché as it may sound, my damn lightbulb just came on. I realized that I am making my life probelmático. I am holding on to anger; holding on to hurt; holding on to feelings of betrayal; holding on to resentment. Crap, I just don’t need.
These emotions, while relevant and true, are cancerous to the mind, body, and soul. Emotional scars often outlive and outlast the physical scars. Emotional scars are the scars that we don’t have to deal with immediately because they are out of sight, and therefore, out of mind. They can be covered up with alcohol, with music, with other social activities, but the coverup can only last for so long.
Let me give you a very vivid example, and one that may resonate with quite a few of you. I had a relationship that had its ups and downs. During a break, I became involved with other people as a means of hiding my feelings and refusing to deal with the situation before me. And I also found out that the person I was dating was also involved with other people during the break. Recently, I found myself constantly looking at the individuals’ social media profiles and becoming pissed (the profiles of the folks my ex messed with). I felt upset. Felt dejected. Mainly thinking, you couldn’t find someone else who looked better? And as such, that just made me feel like what the hell is wrong with me?
But see, I was making problems as Eartha Kitt so eloquently stated. Instead of recognizing that these people do not matter. The reasons why it occured do not matter, because ultimately, there is nothing I can do to change the past. I can’t redirect those interactions. Sure, I can contact the people and be messy or ignorant, but what will that accomplish? Absolutely nothing! I can continue being upset with my significant other, but what the hell does that accomplish? Again, absolutely nothing!
Life is about living. Life is about forgiving. Life is about recognizing that we are very complex creatures with a sea of emotions. And at the end of the day, what makes me any better? Sure, I can argue that I became involved with other people out of anger, but the fact remains, I did it. Sure, I can say that during the relationship I never betrayed the person, but what does that accomplish and how does that make me a better person? Perhaps, I was an asshole during the relationship? Perhaps, I was difficult to speak with about issues? Perhaps, I just didn’t care. Dwelling on such feeling is only fodder for cancerous emotions.
As adults, when you make a decision to move forward, it needs to be just that – move your ass forward! Certainly, you should proceed cautiously if you continue to engage with individuals who you believe betrayed you, or did you wrong, or treated you badly, or was just a bad friend. But once you make the conscious decision to move forward with someone, it needs to be that. You need to put your best foot forward in making that relationship or friendship work.
Now, of course, that means that all parties involved will need to equally put in the same energy. All folks involved will need to assess what actions, attitudes, and etc., did they previously contribute that were not helpful that require an adjustment. But if you do decide to move forward, be sure to start fresh! Remove negative people, negative situations, temptations, and divert that energy to focusing on moving forward.
As Eartha Kitt says, life is something you live! And so, I encourage you to look at situations where you may be holding on to unnecessary grudges — fighting past situations that you will never be able to change, because life moves forward with or without you — and make a conscious decision to say I CHOOSE LIFE. If that means completely eliminating people and situations, so be it, but you need to make a decision.
Today, I CHOOSE LIFE. I want to smile daily. I want to laugh daily. I want to surround myself around family, friends, and loved ones who honor me, and who I honor. People who are not afraid to tell me when I mess up. Life is just too short, why waste time dwelling on and in the past, a past that is old news for a reason? In my opinion, it’s just not worth it, so choose life people! :-)